Happy National Day

This is like nothing I have ever seen before it my life. Dubai is quite literally painted red, green, black and white. I got caught on Jumeriah Beach Road this afternoon and luckily I had my camera handy. They were all in good spirits, well behaved and very proud. I saw police pulling a few people over and there was one car in particular that I wish I could have gotten a photo of except the police was right there- Even the front windscreen was completely covered and they had feather boars lining the car in the national colours. Lots of beeping, lots of happy bangs and cheers. I can't really put it all in words.

My camera was well recieved by the men in the spray painted land cruiser (I think thats teh first car photo)- allow me to say that again- spray painted. They were all so excited-its quite nice- its like hoons in hooted up cars but with no attitude.

Another 30 days...

So with all this distraction of employment over the past 2 weeks or so, I completely forgot that I needed to renew my visa-it expired on day one of my job. So, yesterday (that's day 2 of employment) I took the morning off to drive to Oman to renew it. The giant and I went downstairs to Costa coffee to get a coffee and mini muffins for the road and I saw my former life. Ladies sitting in the cafe with their other lady of leisure friends saying "which muffin do you want- no I'll get it today, you get it tomorrow". Oh, how that used to me. But times they do and must change.

So off we went to Oman. On the way, we were pulled over at about 3 check points with men with guns and skin coloured toyota landcruisers where we had to show our passports. As I think I've said before, its quite an amazing drive- you go from the tall high rises of Dubai, to flat desert, to hilly desert to rocky mountains. We stopped for some petrol and some refreshments and we were on our way. I thought this photo shows a nice contrast and a good advertisment for the region's greatest export. After taking the wrong turn, then making a u-turn (someone can't read signs) and driving through little business areas, we made it to the Oman border building that I had been to so many times before. I was busting to go to the toilet but thought I would hold on, because I had been to these toilets before and there was no way I was going to relive the experience and especially because I had forgotten my baby wipes today. But hold on no longer could I. I had to do it. I thought about the 1cm of water all over the floor and the stench from the pit toilet, but still I had to take the plunge. So I quickly made my way to the where the toilet was. There was a 'female' sign above the doorway and where the door once was, there was concrete. Many things went through my mind as to why this was so, then a little man sitting inside a door stuck his hand out and pointed to the door right next door. No sign on the door, just a door to an office, or so it seemed. When I opened the door, there was white marble as far as the eye could see with modern sinks and about 10 toilets. A far cry from its former poorer cousin. I was impressed, in fact blown away. I thought of the old posse when we used to drive up here, and how i had to text them immediately to tell them of the upgrade. All well and good, but not a scerick of toilet paper or paper tissue to be seen, it was either the hose or drip dry. Overall, a nice ambience, but a let down with no paper product. You lost one star on this rating.

So I was stamped in and out in about a minute and got back into the car with the giant to head back to the motherland. That felt good. "I can stay in Dubai for another 30 days" I said which was met with the literal and legal phrases of the giant of "well we're not stamped back into the UAE yet, that's still a kilometre away- so officially we aren't done and dusted. I treat the process with respect". Ah tis ying and yang- isn't that what they say or 'the giant and the pixie'?

As we headed back to Dubai, I couldn't help but think of my mum as we went through about a kilometre of terracotta vendors. She would go crazy, and especially now that that the pizza oven and entertaining area in our backyard is now complete.

So I hopped off to work at about 12:30pm, no dream, no cardigan (that's a Miley Cyrus lyric or those of you who aren't in the know). Foggy shoes, sandy toes, you know the drill. I was greeted about a billion times by men with smiles and a few payouts, that I of course dished back. See I told you it feels like I have been working there for ages. I only found out that I am the third woman in the workplace and the men are rather enjoying having us ladies around. I walked past the research area and thought I knew those tunes- and indeed I did for they were christmas carols. I didn't see the man playing them, but apparently he's got the whole set up going-we will need to become friends. Spent the afternoon calling people the wrong names, and remember names such as Sharmaa- because its like 'Shwarma' (which is the word for kebab) without the 'w'. I turn everything into food.

Gainful Employment

Today was the day that this involutary lady of leisure roller coaster ride came to a screeching halt. My friends today was the first day of my new job. I only just realised, after I agreed to start, that this means 5 days a week, from 9am-6pm everyday. With my new found arts and crafts and regular IKEA jaunts, however will I fit this in? And right before the festive season? I was so very much looking forward to the 1st Decemeber when my new lady of leisure friend and I were going to have a "Christmas-off" and turn our respective places into Christmas caves so that our other halves would come home to a room full of lights, tinsel and choclate baubles. But alas, one is young, has been unemployed for far too long and needs to work.

To make matters worse, it is a holy holiday this week and most companies have got the whole week off. You guessed it, the giant finally has some time off when I start a job. Ah the odds. But tis life.

I had been looking for a job for so long and just got to the point where I was going to wait to see what the new year would bring. At least I'm happy here now- I have good friends, haven't cried in months, I can do a U-turn from any lane, know the back roads to anywhere and exactly where to find the most random things. See now I fee like I'm home. But it was they who found me. I posted my resume online and they must have googled Disney. So, I am now working for a company that markets and distributes Disney things in the Middle East, which means I will be looking after territories that I would have never been able to show you where they are on a map like: Saudi Arabia, Syria, Bahrain, Yemen, Jordan, Egypt, Qatar and the UAE.

So just for a little change in pace, it was the giant who got up this morning, put on his jeans while I put on my work attire. And so the giant drove me to work which is about 40 minutes from home in the rural parts of woop-woop. He dropped me off in the car park which was sand as far as the eye can see and I arrived at the front of my building with foggy looking shoes and sand between my toes. It was about 8:45am- note to self, no-one gets there that early. The sweet little coffee man, who was one of the earliest there, showed me to my desk, wiped down the dust and dirt with a few tissues he got from the table next to mine and tidied up all the bits and pieces strewn across it. A coffee man- I never really knew they existed, I had only heard about them in dinner table conversations. I had always told the giant that I could come to his work and be his tea wench and push a trolley around with tea and refreshments every 45 minutes. Apparently his work has a non-spousal policy. So the little coffee man, who also doubled as the stationery man, would bring me a coffee as soon as the other was finished and by the end of the day was lecturing me on my over consumption of coffee.

All in all, the people seem lovely. Thank goodness I am next to someone who is equally if not more chatty than I am. Those who used to work with me know how I roll. The others are really nice, welcoming and had me on board for lunch before they even asked me. By the end of the day, we were all joking around and laughing, and it felt like I had been working there for about a month rather than 8 hours. So glad the girl next to me is hilarious and only 2 weeks new too. One of the girls that is in my team is Iraqi but lived in Auckland for 10 years. Hows that? We talked of our old haunts and how much we both love the place. Ah EnZed, you will always have a little piece of my heart, as will the lounge in the foyer of the Langham Hotel where they serve you freshly baked wafer thin biscuits with chocolate and raspberry dipping sauce with your morning coffee.

There was lots going on today, with people introducing themselves, new information, a round robin of chants coming from outside and my favourite, the chippendale ringtone of "My girl's in the next room sometimes I wish she was you.... But girl you make it hard to be faiii-thful with the lips of an angel". You know that song? Its always on the radio here and it topped it off to hear the chippendales sing it nearly on the hour every hour. Hilarious, though I'm sure that will grate. Most probably knowing me, it won't.

So here I am again, with Disney products on my desk, and most importantly the Sing Star games. This time, I won't get in trouble when I sing karaoke in the meeting room...just cos.

A brunch to end all brunches

So, as I've said before love a buffet as much as the next fat person, but when I say I love it, I mean I took out half an hour of eating time to take the photos of this place. The stations below just quite literally blew my socks off. Highlights 1. Gourmet burger station, 2. Pistachio chocolate fountain- I know- amazing. I'll let pictures tell this story. If anyone's thinking about Dubai right now, you should get your asses on a plane. Its the best place to be in the world right now, and I'm not even joking.

I know it doesn't take much to get me excited, but wouldn't you get excited at egg benedict waffles? Or an entire foie gras station?

But enough about all that lets get down to business. Outside there are about 15 food stations, each themed in a specific type of food. And the bit that i loved was that kids got their own little buffet area! Awesome- never got to check out what was in this section though! Bet they had some mean chicken nuggets...

Arabic Arabic
Moroccan

Seafood bbq

Gourmet burger station

Mexican

Asian

Mongolian Grill

BBQ Peking Duck pancakes...

Chinese

Another one...

mini shwarma kebabs -gold

The turtles! Not to eat, but in the water outside!

Desert

Pistachio chocolate fountain- unbelievable!!!!

I forgot to get pictures of the cocktail stands! Margherita, mojito... you get the picture. Hurry up and come over!!!

Thanksgiving Dinner

So last week, the giant called and said that we were going to go to a work Thanksgiving dinner. I was quite excited at the prospect because I love nothing more than eating, drinking and over the top Americaness. I was really looking forward to it until the giant called me one afternoon this week and told me that it had fallen through and he elected me to prepare the feast for his work colleagues. Hello? I can't even cook eggs without stuffing them up, how did he giant propose I prepare a thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings? The funniest bit was that my mum was overjoyed that the giant had nominated me to cook. She felt a sense of fulfillment as an Italian mother like as if she had completed a duty in life, that there was nothing left for her to do. Hilarious I say. She forgets however that this young one is an enterprising one- something to be proud of and not all at the same time. Anyway, the giant works with an American and a Turk (who thinks he's American) so they were really looking forward to it. In fact there was a bit of emotion as we held hands around the table and said grace as they were a bit homesick and thanksgiving is a very important holiday for them. Grace? My mum must be proud.

In the morning I dropped the giant off at work and went on operation pumpkin pie. I had googled and googled pumpkin pie to see if I could find a recipe that slightly resembled one we had at an American's house a few years back and BINGO, I found one. So where did I go? Why the American supermarket with the giant lobster on the front- of course! The helpful Indian man in the shop told me I got the last tin of pumpkin in Dubai as he had kept it aside for a lady yesterday that never turned up. So Hershey's kisses, marshmallow fluff and a tin of pumpkin in tow, I headed off to another supermarket that has the special sealed off section for pork products. There is literally a sign that says "Pork non-Muslims only". Pork was a thanksgiving requirement stipulated by the giant. I improvised the infamous olive and feta pies and replaced olives for bacon. They were a hit. In fact, the late comers were punished by not having any.

So I came home, prepared some cranberry cocktail mixers and put them in the freezer, tidied up a bit (ahem) and started to get ready. Something's missing here isn't it? The turkey. How was I expected to pull that all together? For 8 people? So, I did what any other respectable lady of leisure would have done and found a hotel that would prepare the 9kg beast and all the trimmings. I felt like a criminal, a true criminal, but there was no other way. After running around all day and cleaning up after the giant (how can there be so many pairs of dirty socks scattered around the house?), at 5:30pm I went to the hotel to pick it up. A 9kg turkey, roast potatoes, baked vegetables, stuffing, cranberry and gravy. The chef was running a bit behind, so I rang the giant who was in on it and stalled him and his comrades. I got it all home and after 2 trips to the car, the dream became a reality. I finally had everything... now to eliminate the evidence. I took everything out of its makeshift trays and found as many baking dishes as I could to make it look as though I had been slaving away all day- which I was... I promise. Now I'm not one for a carb, and I don't think I've eaten a potato other than in chip form (because that doesn't count) since 1983, but those potatoes were out of control. As the great man Bruno once said, I committed carbocide.

Everything was alfoiled up and in the oven- thank god we have one of those massive ones, otherwise I don't think I could have pulled it all off. I pulled our little Ikea dining table out onto the balcony and extended it and then took another table we have and extended that too. They all match. I had thought about this very well in February when I first did our IKEA shop when we arrived here. I knew there would be a time when I would entertain in large numbers, but have to admit, I never thought it would be for thanksgiving. I only had about half an hour to dress the table and realised that I didn't even have a table cloth for a large table, nor enough glasses and plates! My American friend on my floor (who I will introduce you all to soon- I can't believe I haven't done so already- she is my partner in crime and corruption and a great friend), who had also organised an impromptu turkey and from the same place as me, came to my rescue, while Tallulah with an 'h' dropped over some tumblers and a chord for my laptop. My table setting was set- amazing. Centre piece, amazing, scattered hersey's kisses- amazing, IKEA drinks tray for $18 amazing and bloody mary station-amazing. I know, I am amazing.

The company was brilliant, the food amazing (because I only made 25% of it) and I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming feeling of guilt as compliments like "this is the most amazing turkey I have ever eaten" and "how did you get that so moist?" and "oh my god you stuffed the turkey with vegetables as well?". I thought of my dear American friend on my flor who only a few weeks before had invited us over for dinner and served us soup from a carton for entree. I was angry at her for quite a while as I was on detox at the time and was sure that there was dairy in it. I snapped at her for being aloof and not being able to remember what ingredients were in it. I thought it was really mean because she knew how hard I was trying. I confronted her the next day and she confessed. She did it so well. I aspired to be like her and not be such an over discloser. She was so proud of me this morning when I told her I didn't tell anyone where the turkey really came from.

And so to you all who attended, if you should be reading, I am very sorry for not disclosing- I felt I was too far gone to back down or to back track, and thank you for your fine compliments. All I can say is if I had to actually pull that all off it would have been virtually impossible. Hats off to the mums of the world that make the turkey dinner and thanksgiving roast dreams a reality.

Unemployed benefits

My newly made lady of leisure friend, who I went to Jordan with, has been busy this past week with her inlaws in town. I've been hearing murmurs and rumours that a few stores now have even more Christmas decorations ready for sale, so I have been waiting for her to be free of her shackles so that we can take to these shops. So, yesterday in anticipation, I sent her through an agenda. 1. 8:30am bacon and eggs on my verandah, 2. 9:15am depart for Satwa to the fabric shops to get a few things made for christmas, 3. depart Satwa at 10:30am for IKEA 4. Depart IKEA at 12pm for The Daiso. She accepted all items on the agenda and rang my doorbell promptly at 8:30am. So off we went, Satwa first stop. I was picking up something from my tailor and she from hers, who co-incidentally was next door to mine. Apparently her Dubai is starting to become quite similar to mine. After a few pleat alterations and handing over some of my latest designs to be crafted, we made our way back to the car to fulfill item 3 on the agenda. Satwa, which I think I have mentioned before, is an Indian area with heaps of fabric shops, tailors, locksmiths, window tinting and car art shops. When I first arrived in Dubai I kept seeing cars with pictures of the Sheikh that took up the whole rear window and wondered who was making a business of it. Well, I found them in Satwa. On 2nd December it will be National Day, and the decorations are starting to go up here there and everywhere, but I am told, all the locals get really into it and decorate their houses, cars, wear the national colours and paint the town red, green, black and white...quite literally. Can't wait to post some photos soon. Imagine if we all painted Kevin Rudd heads on our cars for Australia day. One thing is for sure, they really love their Sheikh and are incredibly proud.

After getting my friend to stop the car so I could snap up that four wheeled baby above, we headed to IKEA. We saw it all today. Things that don't really require an explanation, but I had my camera at the ready to document it all. Have you ever seen so many stuffed toys and let alone so many in the back of a Peugeot 307? This side of the world never got the memo about the rear window being a place where you look out of when you need to change lanes. Hilarious. One of the other things that fascinates me are the jingly trucks on the road. There must also be a man somewhere that 'pimps' an old ute or work truck and transforms it into a colourful jingly jangly truck of beauty, specialising in butterflies and complete with wind chime dangly bits as mud guards. When you spot one of these on the road its like gold or more like 'punch buggy'. Even more hilarious. (Click on the picture so you ca see the finer detail- its worth it)

So finally we arrived at IKEA, returned a few things we had bought frivolously the last time we were there, found the amenities and prepared ourselves for our IKEA quest (which has nearly been a fortnightly occurrence since she quit her job). We took a little longer than expected at venue 3 on the agenda as they've mixed the showroom floor up a bit. At first we were a bit peeved they had taken the liberty of changing things around without seeking our approval, but then realised it opened us up to a whole new IKEA, as we found things we'd never seen before. Adrenaline kicked in again, excitement, pure joy, then we realised we were running behind schedule and had to head to The Daiso so my friend could be back before 3pm.

The Daiso was essential today. On the way, we contemplated stopping off at this Travel and Tours shop pictured to the left to nut out our next travel adventure. Funnily enough I'm actually watching "Dude Where's My Car" on cable- I think they would have also found this quite humorous. There are a few other places I might like to check out before considering a holiday on Uranus.

After a few giggles and hearty laughs, we tried to remain focused and headed straight for The Daiso. We were delighted to find that The Daiso has now opened a Christmas section. I quickly scanned the scene while my friend went through each and every christmas decoration with fervour finding more and more things he could spray paint gold- its one of the symptoms of becoming a lady of leisure. Everything turns into a 'craft' opportunity. We moved on to the main store split up at the entrance and took our time scouring the aisles. We were lost in the world of unnecessary tid bits and excess packaging... again. This photo somewhat captures the Daiso. That's an entire aisle of sticky tape- all types you could think of. Imagine this for almost every single one of your stationery, storage, kitchen, garden and plastic miniature food magnet needs. And that, my friends is a whole shelf of reading glasses with every different type of magnification you could think of. Below are also just a few photos of some classic Engrish on ordinary products, which ordinarily do not need any sort of prose, let alone Engrish. Less is more people and pastel colours don't ever need a comfortable breeze... just an fyi. But by far, today's best find was the sleeve cuffs found in the kitchen section so that you don't get your sleeves dirty when cooking. Ah! The Japanese are on top of everything. No Sushi clocks though. It's telling me is sashimi past tempura, so its getting late.

A few weeks back, this same friend of mine knowing well that I love a supermarket shop introduced me to another supermarket that I would never have known existed. If you saw this building on the side of the road with a massive lobster on it and sand on either side, would you know? All my dreams came true because its actually an American supermarket with all imported everything. For the first time, since learning about them in movies such as The Sandlot Kids and The Goonies and Stand By Me, I saw the chocolate covered goodness in the flesh. Goodness that goes by the name of Twinkies, Baby Ruth, Twizzlers and so many types of aerosoled food stuffs. As you all know, I love a good line extension (not to be mistake for Daytona 'time extension') and I quite enjoyed this Baskin and Robbins one. I mostly enjoyed it because I found it in the health food aisle next rice cakes.

So thus marks the end of our adventures for now. And these, all of them are the benefits of being a lady of leisure, but perhaps it will not be for long. Stay tuned.

Jackie Lou Blanco

When I used to work for the the little man with the black ears, I travelled to the Philippines a few times. When I used to go there, it was advised that I be on high alert. I was instructed not to travel on the 15th or the 30th of each month as most people were paid their salaries in cash on these days and subsequently many people were robbed or held up and I was advised not to wander the streets by myself. Being the anxious type that I am, I perhaps took this advice a little too literally, and didn't leave my hotel. I was fine with that though. I used to stay in the 5 star Peninsula Hotel and just cruise around the foyer and hang by the pool. I must admit, I was starting to get just a little bit anxious when people were looking at me, taking double takes and whispering - "What's the problem here?". On my first trip there, a colleague met me in the hotel the day after I got there. He was Filipino and could speak Tagalog, so I was very happy to have him on board.

As I walked in the buffet breakfast restaurant (something I do very well), I gave the familiar staff a bit of a nod and a wave, went to the omelette station, sat near the window, put on my dark sunglasses and sat contemplating another round of breakfast sausages. My friend came down and was standing at the omelette stand speaking to the omelette man, turned to me, pointed, laughed and carried on. "What?". When he came over I insisted he relay the whole conversation. Why were people looking at me all the time? Yes, I am short, yes, I'm a little out of proportion, and yes, all that room service was for one person. I was hungry. He said apparently everyone in the hotel thinks you look like a famous Filipina called Jackie Lou Blanco. Hilarious I thought. Had no idea what she looked like, but rolled with it. It now made sense. The staff at the hotel, my driver who kept looking at me in his rear vision mirror and the customs officers that looked through my passport thoroughly- it all made sense. When they would look at me strange I would say "Jackie Lou Blanco?" which would be followed by an "aaahhh!" or an "aaahhh" in unison if it were a group of people that had been starring. I was one of those annoying people for them who people would look at and look at again as if to say "who do you look like again" and then the penny would drop.


So I did a little google search on this 'Jackie Lou Blanco' character, hoping and praying that she didn't look like Ricky Lake who people used to say I looked like. Now that was a compliment. At least it was post weight loss. I soon learned that Jacqueline Lourdes Blanco Davao was born February 11, 1964 and is a well known celebrity in the Philippines. She is also daughter of famous Philippine singer Pilita Corrales who is that character in red to the left. Jackie Lou should also not be mistaken for Betty Lou (to the right) who came up on my google images search.



So this is me. The one to the left. Maybe, just maybe in this small pixelated picture, I might look like her. And you know what she's doing with her arms just there is quite rude in the i-talian culture. I also soon learned that in 2001, Jackie Lou Blanco won the Slimmers Fitness World's Miss Great Body fitness contest. Needless to say I was flattered and needless to say, even in this other small pixelated photo, there's a resemblance issue. For now I'll take it and run with it.

So now here I am in Dubai, and there are loads of Filipinos everywhere. Instead of turning around and saying "do you want a a piece of me?" every time I see them whisper and stare, I just know that apparently I look like this Jackie Lou Blanco. The ladies in reception of my building now call me Jackie Lou as I made the mistake of helping them pinpoint who I look like. But what took the cake was when I went to the service station the other night with the giant, to get his chocolate milk and some chocolate for me, the lady behind the counter proved the theory correct that they really do talk about you in their language right in front of you. As she was serving me, head down and scanning my items she said something to her crew in Tagalog, but I managed to pick up on the 'Jackie Lou Blanco' she dropped in conversation. Before she could scan my 'Snow Flake', I said "I know everyone says I look like Jackie Lou Blanco". She turned pale. Was in a state of shock. She quickly tried to back track, and I made out like I could understand. It was a beautiful moment. Maybe I should go and try to make it in showbiz in the Philippines. Just maybe.